LA Times Festival of Books

We took the kids to the LA Times Festival of Books today.

I would have loved to sit in on the panels - that was where the "real" stuff was happening - but we decided to make it a family affair instead. This was first time we'd attended.

My kids loved the Children's Stage. We got there in time to hear John Carter Cash read his book, Momma Loves Her Little Son. All the kids listened intently, and they were particularly fascinated that the actual author was doing the reading! Tyler said, "Wow! We get to see a famous guy! Who is he again?" Sorry, Mr. Cash. Even though each of our kids has an extensive library, we'd never heard of Momma Loves Her Little Son.


But that's the cool thing about this festival. We sure know Mr. Cash now. I love the idea of a venue that introduces readers to new (or not so well-known) writers.

We liked that everything was spread out. We got to see a fair bit of the beautiful UCLA campus, and the kids (and Mike) loved the architecture. We parked in a far parking structure and took the shuttle to the festival entrance. On the shuttle, we got a nice glimpse of Westwood. We fell in love with the college town.

A couple of things weren't so great. The booths were crowded together, which made navigation difficult - there were literally thousands of people there. It was difficult to see where lines for author signings began - cordoned-off areas for the lines would have been nice.

I'm sure my experience would have been different without the kids, but hey - they are the next generation of readers and writers. Anything is worth getting them excited about books.

It was a great day. We will definitely be going again next year. Thanks, LA Times and UCLA.

The Surge Book 1 is Finished!

I finally finished my first complete draft of my YA urban fantasy novel, Justice: The Surge Series Book 1 - yippee!

Hannah and a group of her school friends are going to read my draft and give me feedback. I'm anxious to hear something from my target audience.

Earlier this week, I bit the bullet and attended my first writer's group meeting - the IWOSC - OC. I was nervous, but everyone there was lovely and made me feel genuinely welcome. It was an interesting cast of characters, people from many different walks of life, writing many different genres from many different perspectives. It was exactly what I needed. Thank you, fellow writers!

I've completed my first full-scale revision of the book, and I'm going to give it one more critical run before I declare, "The End." I'm hoping to finish up my query letter and synopsis by June 1.

The writer's group is giving me five minutes to read my work at the next meeting. Should I read chapter one of First Impressions, the book I'm currently querying on? Should I read part of Justice? Should I read my Justice query letter? I want to pick the one I have the least confidence in, so that I'll get the most needed feedback. Have to think about it.

Should Parents Be Held Responsible for Children's Crimes?

Interesting: http://www.thelocal.se/24924/20100211/

I was doing some research for my latest book on laws that hold parents responsible for the crimes of their minor children.

Sweden recently passed a law that will hold parents financially responsible. I think this is a no-brainer.

If my child sends a baseball through your bedroom window, I will replace your window.

If my child accidentally breaks your DVD player, I will buy you a new one.

If my child tramples your flowers, I will plant you new ones.

Isn't that what responsible parents do? And for those not-so-responsible parents, if your child causes significant damage to my property (intentionally or not), and you won't pony up, I'll be seeing you in small claims court.

It's sad that we need so many laws just to get people to do the right thing. But I guess that's the whole point of law. The sticky part comes in when people can't agree on what the right thing is.

Not many people would disagree with me on the window, the DVD player, or the flowers. But what if your 16-year-old sneaks out, gets drunk, and crashes his car into a store? Are you responsible for the damages to the store, the medical bills of those injured? As the child gets older and the financial costs incurred rise, people are more and more divided on the issue of holding parents responsible.

In Sweden, before this law was passed, minor children incurred the costs of their actions/crimes themselves - when they turned 18, the bills came due. They were finding, however, that many youths were starting their adulthood in financial holes that they couldn't possibly dig themselves out of. The solution was to drop parents in the hole instead.

I'm with Sweden on this - parents should be held responsible. Yes, children make mistakes. Yes, good parents can have bad children. BUT, most of the time, wayward children are the result of negligent, lazy, apathetic, or just plain bad parents. I have no problem with giving parents a reason to be more on top of their kids.

This will probably bite me in the ass someday - I'm far from a perfect parent. But if I have to shell out thousands of dollars for something my kids do, I'll suck it up and pay. That's what I signed on to do when I decided to have children. I signed on to be their parent.

Writers Need Social Media

I am introverted, although that may be too mild a word for it. Except for the company of my kids and my husband, I prefer to be alone.

It's not that I don't like people, or that I don't need friends. I just don't need them all the time. I don't feel the need to dissect my day, relate my conversations with people word for word, or complain about how long the line at the grocery store was. I have friends who need that, and I listen politely, but I don't reciprocate.

I also don't like to bore people with the minutiae of my life. Maybe that's part of why I'm a writer - I can write all the minutiae down, and people can either read it or walk away. There's no force involved.

Writers, however, need a large social network to be commercially successful. My dad currently has 836 friends on Facebook. "Do you know all these people?" I asked him.

"No," he said. "Most of them, but some are friends of friends, or are simply interested in the same charities as me. It's a great way to get exposure for the charities." He told me to start a new Facebook page for my writing (up until now, I've been selective about my 53 friends), and add anyone who will join. "Just get your name out there. Post some short stories. Generate interest." Easy for the master networker to say.

I know I have to do it. I started my blogs a couple of months ago, first as something to get me writing everyday, and second as a way of getting my feet wet into the whole social media thing. I was excited when I saw that I'm consistently getting 10 new, unique visitors every day (don't laugh). According to the experts, though, I need 1,000 followers and at least as many hits a day to be taken seriously.

Uh, yeah. I'll get right on that.

So all I have to do is push down that squishy, nauseated feeling in my stomach, start a fan page on Facebook (and invite everyone I've ever met, starting in preschool), start tweeting, open a MySpace account, create a unique website (www.andrearingrocks.com, coming soon) with a cool Flash introduction, continue my daily blogs...oh, and keep cranking out 2000 words a day on my novels.

Musn't forget the actual writing.

How do working, struggling writers do all that? Where do they find the time? My family does need clean underwear too, you know.

What's a writer to do?

Your Glasses Are...Uh...Crooked

So said an acquaintance I ran into at the store today.

As if I hadn't noticed.

No, I don't just need to straighten them. They are permanently wonky, and if I try to bend them back, the left temple is sure to snap off at the hinge (I actually looked up the correct names of the parts of eyeglasses to be able to communicate that - who the hell knew the arm-thingies were called temples?). My lovely 3-year-old Alex got a hold of them while I was in the shower, and they are now beyond repair.

So get new ones, you say.

Great idea, except...we don't have the money. At least, that is not the way I want to spend the money we do have.

See, Jackson needs shoes. Hannah needs tights, shoes, leotard, and makeup for her upcoming production, and we have to buy tickets if we actually want to see her perform. Alex needs swim lessons this summer. Tyler wants to play soccer.

I mean, I could get new glasses, but I'm choosing to wait until we're flush or until these glasses won't stay on the end of my nose. That's what a mother does.

So if you see me, and my head is tilted to the side, and you're wondering what the hell is wrong with me...now you know.

Cussing

On a side note, even though we're strict about what we let our kids get away with, I personally cuss like a sailor. I try not to do it around the kids, but the words sometimes do slip out.

Does that make me a hypocrite?

Sometimes I think so. And then I think about other adult things, like drinking beer or having sex. Some things are simply age-inappropriate, not life-inappropriate. The trick is teaching your kids the difference.

Song Lyrics

Until this year, we had never let our daughter listen to "regular" stations on the radio. Radio Disney was it - they edit out questionable lyrics, and we never worried about what they'd say in their commentary.

My husband had always filled Hannah's iPod for her, choosing fun oldies (are the 80s and 90s considered "oldies" yet?), again making sure the versions of the songs were appropriate for her ears.

But we quickly learned that this was like trying to keep our kids from drinking soda -as soon as they were able to make their own choices and go places on their own (even a friend's house), we could only isolate them so much. Hannah's friends had iPods of their own, and since the school day is extra long at OCHSA, everyone swaps iPods and listens to each other's music. Hannah knows what we think is appropriate, and generally she's very good about staying within our boundaries. But when everyone in the cafeteria is rocking out to Lady Gaga, what is a parent to do?

So we eased up on the music thing. We gave Hannah a Black Eyed Peas CD for Christmas. It has some cussing on it, but we discussed it with her and she knows the words are inappropriate for conversation.

The CD is currently in my car. She turns it on every time we get in. I've heard the songs more times than I can count. Many times, though, I can't even understand what they're saying.

On the drive to school this morning, we were listening to "Imma Be" (cool way of saying "I'm going to be"). I wasn't really listening. Hannah asked, "What's semen?"

"What?" I said. "Why?"

"The song says, 'Imma be ya bank, I be loaning out semen.'"

Dear Lord.

"You don't know what semen is?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "Something to do with sperm, I think?"

I sighed and explained what is was, how it was used in the song. Hannah cut me off before I even finished: "Got it!" she said.

We opened a can of worms, and I guess that's the price we pay. She's not too young to know about this stuff, but I hate how song lyrics make everything so casual, so unimportant. Just another day, loaning out my semen. Christ.

Where's the class, people?

My Fill-In-The-Gaps Books

I came across a great site today: www.fillinthegaps100.blogspot.com

People challenge themselves to reading 100 books within five years. What a fantastic concept.

My own "to-read" list constantly changes, but I like the idea of having a concrete list to pull from, especially such a list filled with books I know I should read but simply haven't made the time for. So over the next few days, I'll be compiling my list and keeping it updated on a separate page.

Thanks everyone over at Fill in the Gaps 100. Too cool.

Motherhood Back to the Forefront

Tonight I cried after I tucked my kids in bed. I've been doing a lot of that lately because of Grandpa, but tonight wasn't about him - it was about the kids.

I told the kids to each pick a book and we'd read before bed. This used to be a regular thing, but since Grandpa moved in with us...not so much. I'm usually so exhausted and overwhelmed that I just want everyone to go to sleep so I can have some alone time and write.

I set it all aside, though, tonight. We set a chair in front of the boys' bunk bed, and three of us cuddled on the bed while one of us took turns reading from the chair.

God, how I missed that.

Tyler and Alex had just had baths, and their perfumed hair tickled my nose. Jackson had gone straight to pajamas, and he smelled like boy and dirt and that indefinable scent that is just him. I buried my face in his hair, rubbed Alex's back, and cuddled Tyler in my lap as Hannah read her book choice to us.

Then Jackson read The Giving Tree, and I got to rub my daughter's feet while Jackson did his best tree impression (thank God she's not too old to snuggle). Then I got the pleasure of watching the four of them cuddle up together while I read Ray Romano's Raymie, Dickie, and the Bean, and If I Built a Car.

My kids are freaking hilarious. And smart, too. Have I mentioned that? They were a balm for my battered soul.

I'm sorry, guys, for not making more time for you lately. That is over. We're going to be reading every night, making smores, and frosting cupcakes. You're already so grown up! I don't want to miss another second.

Grandpa is Moving Out

Our life is taking another big turn this week. Grandpa is moving out, hopefully as soon as Saturday.

He hit me today. He was agitated, confused, frustrated, and he lashed out in the only way he knew how. (Read about it at my other blog, www.caretakerchronicles.blogspot.com)

We can't have that in our home, with four children running around, so he has to go.

He's only been with us for four months, so it shouldn't be that big a deal to rearrange our lives, our schedules, our furniture. But it feels like a big deal. For four months, our lives have revolved around Grandpa.

I wish things were different, but I know the kids will be relieved. This will free up a bedroom, for one (the three boys have a makeshift bedroom in the garden room). We'll be able to come and go as we please. You want to go to the park? Okay! You want to run and get frozen yogurt? You bet! Anyone up for a movie? Let's go!

The kids' lives have been on hold since Grandpa moved in, and they've never once complained about it.

I have a lot of mixed emotions about this, but if I focus on the positive, I have to admit that this is best for our kids. They should have been the priority all along.

It's just one more thing to feel guilty about.

Best Read-Aloud Books for Kids

We first picked up this book because our 5-yr-old was obsessed with trains, but we all love this book. It's about dinosaurs longing for adventure who decide to ride a train. The stanzas rhyme perfectly and are very clever - so clever that this book is MY first choice to read every night. It's the kind of book you wish you had been creative enough to have written yourself.



Another clever rhyming book about a kid who imagines the "ultimate" car. Great for sparking the imagination - kids will want to design their own cars after this.



The name "Skippyjon Jones" is just fun to say, and this book is filled with silly phrases to read out loud. It's one of my 12-year-old's favorites - she loves to do the accents.



Silly book about a land where food falls out of the sky. My kids love the idea of this, and we often end up discussing the food "weather" we wish we could experience, rather than finishing the book.



I suspect that my kids just love to hear me say the word "stinky." This tale is just like The Gingerbread Man, and my kids love the refrain from that story, "Run, run, as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man." Take out "gingerbread" and insert "stinky cheese," and we have a winner.



This is a great book for letting your kids know that everybody has bad days sometimes. Viorst's words are perfect - you can picture a real kid going through these "horrors" that seem like such a big deal when you're young.



I personally don't understand why every one of my kids LOVES this book. It's an odd book, with weird word choices, and old-fashioned illustrations. But what do I know? Let me reiterate: EVERY kid I know who has been read this book wants to hear it again. And again.



Short, to the point, and has animal noises. Perfect.



A classic about a tree that gives a boy everything it has 'til it has nothing left. Sad, but I love to hear the empathy my kids have for the tree.



Even my 3 boys love this story of little Madeline, who lives in a boarding school and has to have her appendix taken out. Maybe they just like to hear me make a fool of myself with a very poor French accent.



My kids love the idea of becoming a pirate. Sailing, buried treasure...every kid's dream.



Very funny. Another book that looks like it's for girls, but the boys like it just as much.



This is for kids 8 and up. It's about a boy who runs away to the live in the mountains. My kids love the idea of being able to run away, live in a hollowed-out tree, and eat the things they can catch. Too cool.



Great for 6 to 10-yr-olds. These are funny books, lots of plays on words that kids might not immediately understand - that's why they're great to read aloud together - you can explain along the way. My 9-yr-old has the whole series (about 10 books) and has read them numerous times, both with me and by himself.



If you only have one book in your children's library, this should be it. It has all the classics (Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel, Madeline, Goodnight Moon, Curious George) and many newer books as well (Stellaluna, Owen, The Stinky Cheese Man). There are 44 books in this anthology - amazing value. This is also a great gift to give at a baby shower.

Do You Ever Wonder What Your Life Would Be Like If...

Every year or so, it really hits me - what would my life be like if I were single with no children? What the heck would I do with myself?

I was married young (21) and had my first child young (22). I remember the first time it even occurred to me that life would be very different if I'd chosen a different path.

One of my oldest friends started a bunco group and invited me to join. This friend was single and childless. This was about seven years ago.

I remember walking into her condo (she'd recently moved back to our hometown and this was my first visit to her new place), and looking at her bookshelf. She had a few chick lit novels, a few picture frames, and several chunky scented candles on delicate plates. Wow, I thought, she has candles on the low shelves. Any child could reach them...

And then it hit me - she doesn't have any children. She could put a candle on the bottom shelf and even keep a book of matches nearby for easy lighting. Amazing! And there were no board books, no Blues Clues DVDs, no Tonka trucks or stuffed animals taking up coveted book space. And no boring books on Mt. Everest hikes, or camping, or military history, like my husband liked to read. Man.

What would it be like to have an entire bookshelf to myself? How would I arrange it? Would books would get the places of honor? What pictures would I frame and display if the choice were all up to me?

I call it "My Bookshelf Musing," and it has come to me over the years at odd moments. Usually one of my single friends will trigger it with something they say or do. It hits me that they have no "curfew," no one waiting up for them, no one hogging the bathroom, no bulked up stereo system to integrate into the living room design...

And no one to hug them when they come through the door, no one to warm up their toes on a cold night, no one to snuggle with during Survivor, no one to hold their hair back while they puke, no one to kiss them and tell them not to let the bedbugs bite.

My musings never last long, but I do find them interesting.

And very, very lonely.

New to Authonomy

I stumbled on Authonomy, a website created by HarperCollins to presumably promote unpublished novels. I am wary about posting any of my work online, but I was curious about the level of talent on such a site. So I signed up and began reading.

The premise of the site is that fellow members read your work, comment, and if they like your work, they put it on their bookshelf. All posted work is ranked according to how many people put it on their bookshelves. The top five works every month are then edited by HC editors.

I decided to start with the top five-ranked books for this month. I will not publicly disparage anyone's writing - writing is a process, and we all work very hard at it and I greatly respect that - BUT...

I read the first three chapters of three of the top five books.

NONE were well-edited. Basic proofreading was not carefully done. I had to force myself to pay attention to the stories.

ALL of the writing was clumsy.

NONE of the stories drew me in. A couple had a decent premise, but I had to force myself to finish three chapters. I did not want to finish them based on what I was reading.

There are something like 5000+ works posted on this site. Were these top five honestly the best? I also read through at least 20 comments posted for each book. Only one or two of the 20 offered real critique - the rest were ego stroking, I gather so that the writer would go back and place the commenter's work on his bookshelf in return.

What am I missing? What is the point?

Others have commented in blogs or on the Authonomy forum that very few posted works have been published by HC or been found by other agents/publishers. No wonder. The cream is not rising to the top (supposing there is any cream there to begin with).

I'm going to stick it out with Authonomy a bit longer, see if I can find any hidden gems. But I won't be posting my own work any time soon. If I did, it would only be to get some decent feedback. But it didn't appear that honest feedback is to be found there.

I could be wrong. I'll continue to read posted works on Authonomy for the next month. I'm hoping that will give me enough time to eat my words.

Dilemma

My daughter is only 12, in the seventh grade. As I've said, she's fairly sheltered in terms of what we expose her to (no rated R movies, or explicit music, definitely no MTV). But I have had all the sex talks with her, and when we decided she was going to attend OCHSA, we had some heavy conversations about sexual orientation. OCHSA is an arts school, heavily liberal, and I knew that many of her classmates would be openly gay. No big deal, but I made sure she was prepared in term of understanding it and being open-minded.

Today one of her friends - not a current schoolmate - admitted to Hannah that she may be bisexual. This friend said she often looked at girls and thought, "Wow. She's hot."

If this had been a girl from OCHSA, I don't think I'd give it a second thought. Or maybe I would council Hannah on what she could say to her friend - be understanding, tell the friend to discuss it with her parents, assure her that many teens have these feelings. But this friend comes from a very religious family, and I know that homosexuality is a big no-no with them.

Hannah knew it, too. She asked her friend, "Isn't it against your religion?" The friend responded yes, which was why she couldn't talk to her parents about it.

So what do I do? Not that there's much I can do, but do I just leave it alone? Do I give Hannah some special advice to give to her friend? Do I pretend the conversation never took place?

Maybe for now I leave it alone, and if it comes up again, then take some action. I'm at a total loss. Any advice?

Do I Simply Want My "Book" on the Shelf?

One of my friends asked me today about self-publishing. "Why don't you just do that?" she asked, after I told her about my query letters to agents. "You could save yourself all this grief."

Probably. But self-publishing misses the point for me. I don't just want my book in bound form so I can have it on my shelf and give it out to friends at Christmas. I want to go through the process, and I want to become a better writer.

I believe in myself. I believe that if I work hard enough, improve enough, eventually I'll be able to work as a professional in this business. It may not be quick, and it may not be pretty, but I'll get there.

If I run out and publish my own novel, how will I know that it's any good? How will I know if anyone wants to read it? How do I know if I really appeal to the market - after all, a thing only has value if someone is willing to buy it.

On the other hand, if I get no responses from queries, I suppose I could push ahead and sell my book on my own. If a writer really believes in her project, why wouldn't she?

The only answer I have is that I'm a writer. If the professionals won't back my current novel, I will listen to any advice they give and write something else. I have 5000 ideas in my head, and I enjoy writing. Even if my works don't sell, I still enjoy the process. I'm doing what I love.

That's enough.

Why Would You Advertise That?

On my drive to pick Hannah up from school, I pulled behind a car with the following bumper sticker: Girls Cheat, They Just Don't Get Caught.

I always love a good bumper sticker, but this isn't even funny. Of ALL the pithy statements out there, why would you decorate your car with that one?

Query Update

First queries sent out last night. Phew. Is this how all writers feel afterward - like they have a brick sitting in their stomach? Dear God, this could go on for months...how am I going to eat?

Bullying Leads to Heartbreaking Consequences

On Fox News this morning, they recapped the story of Phoebe Prince, a 15-year-old who committed suicide after being mercilessly bullied. Nine students have been brought up on charges in connection with her death. Her story is heartbreaking, and my heart goes out to her family.

I have a few, probably not-so-PC, comments about this.

First, many people are culpable here, and I'm sure many will live with guilt for the rest of their lives. The question is, is anyone criminally liable?

The school administration & teachers - They knew Phoebe was being bullied and did little to nothing to stop it. This makes them morally bankrupt, and I would seriously consider transferring my child out of that school, but it doesn't make them legally responsible for Phoebe's death.

The student bullies - There are a bunch at every school, in every community. They are selfish, insecure brats, usually with parents of the same ilk. They should have been put in their place a long time ago - first by their parents, and then by their teachers. Do I feel they're legally liable for Phoebe's death? No. HOWEVER, we do not allow adults to act like these bullies (wouldn't it be labeled as "stalking" or "harassment" or "assault"?), so why do we let kids get away with it? They should have suffered consequences for their behavior the moment that behavior occurred. The fact that they didn't is the fault of their parents.

The parents of the bullies - Again, they should not be held legally responsible for Phoebe's death. But they should suffer consequences nonetheless. If you were an adult in their community, would you want to be friends with these people? Would you want your children to hang out with their children? Would you want them attending the same social events as you, or participating in the PTA? I think not. Outcast them. Blacklist them. Whatever it takes to bring some introspection and real regret. Or to get them to move.

Phoebe's family - When parents and family of a suicide victim are suffering, no one wants to stand up and blame them for the death. And I'm not suggesting that we should. Are there things they could have done differently that may have affected the outcome here, though? Yes. One of my cousins fell in with the "bad crowd" in high school, and was arrested for drug possession. My immediate thought was, "Get him out of that school. Get him away from those 'friends.'" Teens face all kinds of peer pressure, and often they do not have enough courage or self-esteem to break away from, or stand up to, the pressure. It's our job as parents to remove them from a harmful situation. I have heard parents say, "I didn't know my child smoked (or did drugs, or was having sex, or was being bullied, etc.)." If that is the case, then you weren't paying attention. These things take time to build, and if we as parents are doing our job, we have the time to act and help correct the situation. Enough said.

The victim - No, it is never the victim's fault. No one deserves to be bullied to the point where they consider taking their own life. Most people suffer teasing and bullying at some point in their childhoods, though. And most of us do not resort to suicide. I do think that the rules are different today, though, than they were even for me (I'm 34). With the social networks (Facebook, MySpace, etc.), with camera phones that can disseminate pictures around the world without a thought, and email, texting, etc., the potential to harass someone, to publicly humiliate them, is greater than ever. Our children face much greater harm from stupid decisions than we ever did.

I don't know what the answer to that is. I think it all goes back to basic decency and morality. We have to teach our children to be nice. Sad that such a simple concept is so out of vogue.