On Fox News this morning, they recapped the story of Phoebe Prince, a 15-year-old who committed suicide after being mercilessly bullied. Nine students have been brought up on charges in connection with her death. Her story is heartbreaking, and my heart goes out to her family.
I have a few, probably not-so-PC, comments about this.
First, many people are culpable here, and I'm sure many will live with guilt for the rest of their lives. The question is, is anyone criminally liable?
The school administration & teachers - They knew Phoebe was being bullied and did little to nothing to stop it. This makes them morally bankrupt, and I would seriously consider transferring my child out of that school, but it doesn't make them legally responsible for Phoebe's death.
The student bullies - There are a bunch at every school, in every community. They are selfish, insecure brats, usually with parents of the same ilk. They should have been put in their place a long time ago - first by their parents, and then by their teachers. Do I feel they're legally liable for Phoebe's death? No. HOWEVER, we do not allow adults to act like these bullies (wouldn't it be labeled as "stalking" or "harassment" or "assault"?), so why do we let kids get away with it? They should have suffered consequences for their behavior the moment that behavior occurred. The fact that they didn't is the fault of their parents.
The parents of the bullies - Again, they should not be held legally responsible for Phoebe's death. But they should suffer consequences nonetheless. If you were an adult in their community, would you want to be friends with these people? Would you want your children to hang out with their children? Would you want them attending the same social events as you, or participating in the PTA? I think not. Outcast them. Blacklist them. Whatever it takes to bring some introspection and real regret. Or to get them to move.
Phoebe's family - When parents and family of a suicide victim are suffering, no one wants to stand up and blame them for the death. And I'm not suggesting that we should. Are there things they could have done differently that may have affected the outcome here, though? Yes. One of my cousins fell in with the "bad crowd" in high school, and was arrested for drug possession. My immediate thought was, "Get him out of that school. Get him away from those 'friends.'" Teens face all kinds of peer pressure, and often they do not have enough courage or self-esteem to break away from, or stand up to, the pressure. It's our job as parents to remove them from a harmful situation. I have heard parents say, "I didn't know my child smoked (or did drugs, or was having sex, or was being bullied, etc.)." If that is the case, then you weren't paying attention. These things take time to build, and if we as parents are doing our job, we have the time to act and help correct the situation. Enough said.
The victim - No, it is never the victim's fault. No one deserves to be bullied to the point where they consider taking their own life. Most people suffer teasing and bullying at some point in their childhoods, though. And most of us do not resort to suicide. I do think that the rules are different today, though, than they were even for me (I'm 34). With the social networks (Facebook, MySpace, etc.), with camera phones that can disseminate pictures around the world without a thought, and email, texting, etc., the potential to harass someone, to publicly humiliate them, is greater than ever. Our children face much greater harm from stupid decisions than we ever did.
I don't know what the answer to that is. I think it all goes back to basic decency and morality. We have to teach our children to be nice. Sad that such a simple concept is so out of vogue.
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