Do You Ever Wonder What Your Life Would Be Like If...

Every year or so, it really hits me - what would my life be like if I were single with no children? What the heck would I do with myself?

I was married young (21) and had my first child young (22). I remember the first time it even occurred to me that life would be very different if I'd chosen a different path.

One of my oldest friends started a bunco group and invited me to join. This friend was single and childless. This was about seven years ago.

I remember walking into her condo (she'd recently moved back to our hometown and this was my first visit to her new place), and looking at her bookshelf. She had a few chick lit novels, a few picture frames, and several chunky scented candles on delicate plates. Wow, I thought, she has candles on the low shelves. Any child could reach them...

And then it hit me - she doesn't have any children. She could put a candle on the bottom shelf and even keep a book of matches nearby for easy lighting. Amazing! And there were no board books, no Blues Clues DVDs, no Tonka trucks or stuffed animals taking up coveted book space. And no boring books on Mt. Everest hikes, or camping, or military history, like my husband liked to read. Man.

What would it be like to have an entire bookshelf to myself? How would I arrange it? Would books would get the places of honor? What pictures would I frame and display if the choice were all up to me?

I call it "My Bookshelf Musing," and it has come to me over the years at odd moments. Usually one of my single friends will trigger it with something they say or do. It hits me that they have no "curfew," no one waiting up for them, no one hogging the bathroom, no bulked up stereo system to integrate into the living room design...

And no one to hug them when they come through the door, no one to warm up their toes on a cold night, no one to snuggle with during Survivor, no one to hold their hair back while they puke, no one to kiss them and tell them not to let the bedbugs bite.

My musings never last long, but I do find them interesting.

And very, very lonely.